I yearn for a holiday trip, is it that hard to fulfill? 

Oh yes it is.. for 4 years and counting it’s still unfulfilled. Promises promises promises, bull! The last actual holiday I had with my family was, none? I just want a holiday.

Back in 2004, everyone went to Bangkok, Thailand except for me. Why? First excuse given to me was, because my mum was paying for my second brother’s trip so she told me, “expensive la if you come also, we go holiday somewhere else next time okay?” Fine, I took the bait and second excuse was, there was noone at home to take care of the dogs and the cats, so someone has to stay back and it was me. It had always been me. Bummer bee bum.

And in four years I never had an actual holiday until June this year, I had a short holiday at Redang which I was so grateful for, I was literally crying when Hugo told me “yes you are going Redang with me!”, and I bet he didn’t know that. But yea I was, because I knew deep in my heart that I am financially inapt to travel anywhere.

My initial plan after my 3 months in KL was to just travel, chill and have fun till next year, then I’ll scout around for my degree options. I was supposed to travel to Haatyai or Taiwan according to my mum but as usual it’s all talk and since I wasn’t gonna travel anywhere, I ended up bumming at home and I heard people started saying and I quote; “just staying at home and don’t want to do anything”, it’s not that I don’t want to do anything but am I capable in doing something? No! What do you expect me to do, get a job? I would if I can, takkan I get a job now then in weeks or a month later I’ll quit and start my degree? Feasible or not WTF. And yes sure as hell I am furious, and don’t judge me as if you know me because you have no damn clue!

I might not be the most vocal about my thoughts and feelings in my family, but I hope they do understand that, as much as I act like I don’t care, I actually do. I might be the youngest in the family but I’m not little anymore. I might be useless but I am not without goals, I do want to do what I want but having restrictions beyond control around me, what’s a daughter to do? I’m not even allowed to go study in KL, I am to remain stuck in Penang. And my dreams of doing a degree abroad, poof. All sorts of excuses given at every corner, even the stupid excuses also kena twist till it’s correct. OMG la.

But at least I’m grateful for Lim Ah Meow’s presence in my life, she’s been sheepishly annoying but at least she’s genuine to me. I don’t feel so alone at home now.

♥ Wendy