Lately, let’s say beginning till mid March till right now at this minute, 10.03 pm to be exact.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO FREAKIN’ STRESSED FOR A LONG TIME.

I haven’t had my dinner and I am in no mood for it because I am not happy with so many things happening or the lack thereof.  April didn’t start on a good note though, with so many back to back datelines (seriously fark you communication technology), and the annoying weather that is making people sick to the core.  Seriously it’s like  scorching hot during daytime and raining almost every night. Probably the sky is having a “lao sai” moment every night. Moving on, let’s go on with Hugo. He has been well, Hugo. And sometimes he drives me up the wall with his lack of sensitivity. I know, a relationship is about give and take, I get it. But to be so block headed and inconsiderate, how can? Sometimes, it’s just so hard to get things into a guy’s head. Ego ego ego ego is a bastard. Oh yea, short attention span can be painful too, I would say something, and often every few minutes I get questions asking about what did I say earlier or, I would say something and it gets acknowledged but when I mention it later it would be as if I never said anything. Anyhoo, ASSignments, Hugo and the weather is the least of my worries now. It’s still under control but as for everything around, no say about where it’s heading to. I’m losing it very often nowadays.

Just last Sunday, I had a short one day trip back to Ipoh. That trip made me think really hard, that I didn’t realize I would miss home so much. As I was reaching home and parking the car, I was so excited to be back and I actually climbed over the front gate to sneak out the hidden spare key to open the gates since I have no keys. I remembered when I was younger, one by one my brothers left the house and only return once every few months. I used to think that, fine these two got what they wanted from my parents and now they’re flying solo. I dreaded being alone at home all the time, with me being the emo kid that I was, my pets became the replacement for my siblings.

And as of today, I have officially left home for 1077 days. I’m happy that throughout my stay in Penang, I’ve grown up and I see myself so differently now compared to who I was back then. I used to be the jealous emotional brat that everyone has a better life than me, but now I feel very contented and life is much simpler although by reality it’s not.

I know I don’t go back Ipoh very often, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss home. I do wish I could go back every weekend or at least every alternate weekend, just because I miss home very much. I do admit, life in Penang is better because I get freedom and independence, but still family doesn’t exist here in Penang. I would cry frequently when I’m at home, when I think of home way back before I got Lim Ah Meow.

Another thing that is stressing the eyeballs out of me is my dad. I do notice his health has been deteriorating lately, and I would always have very few words to talk to him. Striking a conversation isn’t easy because, he isn’t a man of many words. My mum told me that his health is worsening and he doesn’t want to do anything about it, the irony is that he works in the medical line, he can advise people on what medicine to take, which doctor to consult for any particular cases and yet he does not do anything about it. Doesn’t he notice he’s making people like mum and I worry? Mum might be grumpy and naggy all the time, but in the end she does mean well. I’ve known that all along but I would used to slam her down because she would sound so annoying to me, I understand the frustration she felt of me right now. Just like how I would nag and go mad over Hugo and his antiques.

Other than feeling guilty for neglecting my parents, I felt extremely guilty for abandoning my pets too. For them who have been my loyal friends for so long, I would cry whenenver I look at their pictures or watch the videos I recorded of them. People would tell me, they’re just merely animals but I beg to differ, they may be animals but still they are as equally emotional as we are.

My mum gave me a call today while I was still in college after class, my heart sank and I almost teared up that very instant when I heard her saying that Ett Ett was injured, probably hit by a car or motorcycle or something.  I wasn’t clearly told of her condition, possibly an injured bladder or spine injury, and if she doesn’t get through tonight she might not make it. I want nothing else but for her to be well. What made me even more sad is, I just played and cuddled with her at home yesterday and now I’m stuck here with studies and commitments that I am not able to go home. Yes she might just be a cat, but I was the one who took care of her when she was born in my house, and I watched her grew and she used to bite my ear and nose to wake me up for school every morning. Being a cat and dog person, I can never see myself going on with life without a pet. They’re the best of friends you can ever get, seriously.

I have never been an expressive person verbally, saying things like “I love you” or “I miss you” makes me squirm, and often people mistaken me as being very unappreciative due to the lack of output from me. But here you go, some output from me though not verbally.

♥ Wendy