I’m guessing I should titled it as end of the month, new post instead. Crap I’m making a habit of updating once a month, well that’s how unwilling I am to write anyways. I don’t attend any events anymore, I have no hangouts anymore, all my outings and dates are cut short because some certain one eyed troll will whine and cry about going home early to sleep and rest more, which is nothing that happened at the end where he will end up sitting in front of the computer for 3 hours straight before cutting the power off and head to bed. Bah humbug.

Well this post is going to be something like a excerpt of my life; and it’s mostly about complains (bitching if you want a literal meaning) and also, what I have seen, heard and not want to be.

Life has been nothing but full of annoyances lately, from rough working schedules to unprofessional partners and the hoo’s and haa’s of the Merdeka celebration. I have been extremely occupied between juggling classes, trying my very best to accomodate my parents here, maintaining some sort of social life that I have or lack thereof, and at the end giving myself some time to breathe.

I am doing well with my studies at the moment, it is pretty on track as far as I know and thus my social life went down the drain. I honestly lost the last memory of myself happily hanging out aimlessly and doing nothing. Not that my life is not interesting enough, the amount of entertainment I get from classes everyday is ample for my daily dose of intelligence loss but it is definitely good. Plus I have my two fur balls at home with me, they never cease to make me smile everyday. When they say kid says the darnedest things, I say pet cats do the darnedest things.

Stress is pretty much a word that haunts me for now and everyday. Yea I know I’m not the oldest in the house thus making me seemingly naive and immature but that does not mean I need to be treated like I am a child, which obviously I am not. It just seems so fake how some certain sibling would be doing all sorts of things to show filial piety, and the childishness that reeks within the house is just so, hair raising. I thought I have seen enough of it in college but no, it goes beyond and into the house.

What I have learned from observing the ongoing of the family is, my siblings taught me one very serious thing. Never ever be like them. Not that they were bad or unfilial, but they are very dependent on my parents and promises made were never kept. Many things they have said, but it was just all say and boasts. I am so sick and tired of hearing my parents complain and yet they still willingly and wholeheartedly go head over heels in helping them. Yea I know it’s parental love and support but sometimes, but I have made a vow, once I start earning my own money I am going to start an account funding it with money for my parents. So yea, I’m pretty motivated to finish my studies and start off something new. What my parents did to initiate my kickstart in life; my studies, the family car and the upbringing, I have promised to pay them back. It’s not all just monetary, I have sort of a plan of how I will arrange for them to live in the future.

Nevermind the obvious favoritism game playing within the family, I’m fine with it. So what if a brother favors the other right? I never grew up with both of you so it’s alright to be ousted, I’m happier living like that anyway. I don’t like feeling like I am an obligation that should be acknowledged. You have your life, I have mine and I think you are independent enough to live on your own, why demand your ill father and optimistic mother to pay for your wedding dinner when you have one whole freakin’ year to save up. Furthermore demanding they pay extra to your wife, isn’t that too much when my mum already gave a redpacket and also gold jewelery? Sigh, you might think I’m being bitchy to complain and backstab or whatever, but I’m just saying what I think.  Just think of what I have said and think for yourself. Buying new bags and shoes for the wife is all in a day’s work, but giving at least 50 bucks for the parents as a token is so hard. I have learnt so much from observing all these things, and having the nerve to ask my mum to pay for dinner with the excuse “I’ve used a lot of money for my trip up to Penang so you pay for dinner alright, spending money is like an open water tap”. Double sigh. In the wise words of my dad, if you always complain about coming up to Penang because it requires a lot of spending, then don’t. Easy, save money, kautim!

I got teary eyed few weeks back when I saw photos of my dad back when he was well, his hair was black with streaks of silverish grey, his facial expression was cheery and jolly, his skin was smooth and wrinkly here and there but nevertheless he had the healthy glow. Seeing him now, with the hair loss from chemotherapy, dull tired looking skin, frail and breathless, it makes me realize how fragile a human is. He can’t brisk walk for long or else he will be out of breath, that’s how bad his lungs are, it totally collapsed on one side. He even needs an oxygen concentrator to support breathing thus he wears the tube around the house when he needs it. Thankfully, his friends and colleagues donated money and the oxygen concentrator which would cost at least 5k for a decent one.  In total, 10k was given to my dad by his friends and colleague, plus they’re constant support and visits towards my dad really made him felt so much better. I really agree to what my mum said to me once, “Sometimes friends are much better than family”. Not that I mean it in a cynical way, but it’s so true to what is happening now.

I know I’m surfing on treacherous waters but I honestly don’t care, I’ve had enough seeing all these things happening and I just feel so angry for my parents, yes their mouth is indeed bitter but they willingly let it go. Sigh, it’s love and hate indeed. But who’s the one at the receiving end of the bitterness, Yours truly! Feel my pain and sorrow.

It might be a long weekend of a holiday for me but I did not enjoy any bit of it. Firstly was the noises and crowd in the house, I’m never a person for crowds, it gives me a whiplash and migraine so that explains why I was never in a concert. Even my poor two cats had to seek cover in my room to avoid the noise and people within my house. Poor Jamie and Lim Ah Meow. Already the small house is filled with 70% of items moved up from Ipoh, and numerous stuffs and junk everywhere that my mum ceases to dispose, add 12 more humans roaming the house and it’s a warzone. I had no place to sit, or stand without blocking anyone’s passageway, plus the constant laughs and screams made it worse although I hope my relatives who came up for a visit had a great time despite the freakin’ jam in Penang.

Secondly was, I really needed the class time so that my team could sit down and get some lowdown done because, discussing work online is pure bullshit. With another day of holiday coming up in a week and the Raya holidays, all I can say is oh dear and oh no. The agony of being on holidays and not able to enjoy it!

For the (probably) first time, I am not loving the holidays. But I am geared up to chargeeeeee! On another note, I’m also geared up for a change! Now that my life is totally changed; the no clubbing, no hangout, no 24 hours online , everyday sleep at 11pm (the latest) and spends only around 200bucks per month thus saving 100bucks kinda life, I am gearing up to go for braces. Well not that my teeth is bad, but I would love to have a set of straight teeth minus the rabbit teeth. So, I have set a braces fund for myself and so far I have 500bucks in, which is not bad considering I allot 100bucks for the fund every month.

I might not be working yet but already I’m thinking of saving up to buy my own house, my own car, countless trips, as well as seeing my bank account grow real fat. Hehe, as well as having a decent house with a super kitchen full of Kitchen Aid appliances, stainless steel kitchen with granite table tops and all that luxury. It’s a dream now but I’m gonna make sure I realize it, one step at a time!

♥ Wendy