I’ve been feeling a sense of calm these few days, I do things at my own pace, at my own discretion in the expense of the dissatisfaction of others. You know what, to be following other people’s pace, I had enough of that. Just because you do things a certain way, doesn’t make me the same.

Ever since the holiday started, I have been doing some sideline jobs just to fill up some time. I’ve been working with one of my professors on a project called GMMP which stands for Global Media Monitoring Project. It centralizes around the  unrepresented issues of women in the media, it kept me going all this while.

There are no getaways planned for this year end, the only events that’s probably worth highlighting were the recent Penang Bridge International Marathon and the upcoming Starwalk. That’s about how interesting my holiday is, other than that it’s going to be just watching Gilmore Girls or slaving on the movie channels away. I’m liking it, I get to be a bum and stay at home and not running out for meetings and work. Plus the holiday mood isn’t ever present either, plus I’m a little short in cash now. So it’s just stay at home holiday for me.

For the past few days, my family has been making trips to the hospital as my dad is currently warded. He has a tumor growth on his collarbone that seems to be blocking his breathing, possibly the trachea. So after many observations by the doctor, my dad will be undergoing radiotherapy for the tumor. And for these few days I have been reluctant to go to the hospital, and what it seemed to my mum is that I was too lazy or couldn’t care less but truth to be told, I’m not a hospital person. I hate going to hospitals, I despise it. Because it’s such a place of suffering, hurt and pain. I hate seeing patients lying helplessly on the bed and especially seeing my dad breathing on the oxygen mask.

It’s funny how when I compared myself at present to the person I was exactly a year ago at this time. A year ago, I was at my highest high as I just got back from KL, finished my internship with JUICE magazine and finally I had time to do whatever I wanted back home. But a year later, I am at my lowest low, constantly in a state of depression, thinking and thinking and thinking about what could’ve been. There’s all these things vented inside of me, that people who seemed to care are too self centered to listen.

You can say I have noone to turn to but myself, I don’t trust anyone to talk now.

♥ Wendy