It’s been almost two weeks since the whole ordeal begun, and there was never a day that went by without me missing my dad. It was easy to get along during daytime as I was occupied with things to do but it was particularly difficult during night time, when it was time for bed because I’m so used to sitting in the living room with him or he would come into my room to sit and chat or just check out whatever I’m doing before he goes to bed.

It felt very very very different at home, although my dad was a quiet person but his presence was strong but now it just feels so empty. I would usually find him at home either in Penang or Ipoh reading newspapers, watching football, having a cup of coffee, napping in the room with my cat, doing gardening, cleaning up the unfinished chores left by mum and I, so many things he would be doing.

Now, there’s one person less in the family. But I am happy that everyone else is coping well. My brother’s have their significant others; one with a baby and one on the way. For my mum, well she has my little niece, Stella to keep her occupied now. She seemed so happy to be playing with Stella, constantly hovering around to make sure she’s alright. So there’s “work” for her to keep her occupied, so I’m pretty sure my dad would be really happy to know that she’s not moping much anymore. I mean it must suck to have someone for over 30 years with you and suddenly he is gone.

I have been better too, I still do cry sometimes especially at night when I’m all alone in my room where all the thoughts of my dad starts coming in. Come to think of it I have been crying for a long time, I used to cry seeing my dad being so ill and now I cry because my dad is gone. Damn crybaby la me. But I try to comfort myself with the fact that my dad is no longer ill, in pain albeit he is no longer here. In a weird strange way, I can’t wait for the day I finally meet him again, there’s so many things I’d like to share about what I went through in life that I never got to share with him.

And whenever I think of him, the song “Amazing Grace” comes to mind, it just befits the thought of him perfectly. He was truly an amazing grace in my life, a really fantastic father. It really makes me feel good to see friends who contacted me after eons, like in the case of a particular Mr.Wong from another father and mother who’s currently in USA who actually called me and flaunted his newly found American accent for more than 30 minutes in hopes of comforting me. He sounded much like rapping in his accent though, I was crying and sobbing so badly because I was telling him how bad it was to see my dad pass away right in front of my eyes and as soon as he started talking, I just started laughing.

Currently, I’m enjoying the final leg of my holidays as classes are starting soon. I told my mum, we finally have time to really rest and breathe now, without any worrisome. Dad’s in a better place, eternally etched in our minds although he’s physically gone and he’s finally giving us a break after so long!

Like the saying goes, “gone but not forgotten!”.

I’ve been blowing out some steam lately, I’m turning into a window shopaholic! I try to not spend as much unnecessarily but I can’t stop myself from ogling at those beautiful dresses and tops, hobos and lingeries that I have been eyeing. I was in MNG today with Hugo, I was just randomly browsing through the racks and there wasn’t anything that caught my attention. I have this weird tradition though, I would buy a jacket or sweater for myself every year because I have something weird going on with cover wear so this year, I spotted a really beautiful jacket in MNG that is wool knitted in black and white checks, beautiful zip details and diagonal front zipper. I was thinking to myself, should I or shouldn’t I until I saw a dress, very Grecian/Egyptian flowy cocktail dress with beautiful collar detail beading so I told the jacket to scram and off I took the dress into the fitting room. It was amazeballs beautiful exquisite to die for I felt like I wanna get married in that dress. The setback was, it costs RM169 of my blood, sweat, and tears.

Once I put it on, I went out of the fitting room to show Hugo and I saw the happy glint in his eyes. I was pretty! Well anyhoo, of course I didn’t buy the dress. If it was in rupiah I’d buy 10 of it and wear it everyday but sadly, I handed it back to the salesgirls and off I went home to play rummy to keep myself busy and here I am ogling at the dress, while thinking of my dad who would probably give me money to buy the dress.

Funny thing how my mum gave me money this morning, it wasn’t my “payday” yet and I’ve already received the ka-ching. Who knows it was an epiphany from my dad?

I’m going to sleep on this decision and see where my legs lead me tomorrow.

♥ Wendy